The writer self-image

BY SHANNON MCKELDEN We all have a self-image. This isn’t necessarily an accurate portrayal of what is true, but how we perceive ourselves, which is made up of all kinds of things from our past to our parents, our experiences and our interpretations. One of the most detrimental things to us being Happy Writers can be a negative writing self-image. Whatever your self-image is, your behavior will remain true to it almost all the time. Which means, if you think of yourself as a bad writer, that self-image dictates how you behave and your behavior reinforces your self-image. We also tend to remain in the “comfort zone” of our self-image, even if it’s negative. A writer with a poor writing self-image, who then achieves a fast rise to the top of the bestseller lists, can come crashing down even more quickly, as they are uncomfortable with the contrast of the stardom to the self-image they have. Their behavior pulls them back to “where they belong.” Their self-image comfort zone. Self-image = Who we are AFRAID we are. Think about that. Your self-image may be that you are a terrible writer. If you care about how well you write, then you put a lot of emotion behind the FEAR that that self-image may be true. (If you weren’t an aspiring writer, you wouldn’t be afraid of being a terrible writer, because it wouldn’t mean much to you.) But we do care. So, the idea that we really might be a terrible writer — our self-image — terrifies us. We don’t take into consideration that we have written some wonderful things. The good sentences tend to not affect our self-image as much as the bad sentences, right? Published authors may get dozens of great reviews, but that one bad review will have them desperately considering applying to flip burgers at Mickey D’s. Because it points to our terror that we are actually living up to our self-image. How you think of yourself is transmitted to others, too, who will reinforce your self-image. You give off visual, verbal and emotional clues to — not WHO you are — but to your self-image. Who you BELIEVE you are. How others subsequently treat you then “confirms” for you that this must be the way you are. “You are constantly letting other people know how to treat you by the way you treat yourself.”- – Paul McKenna, Ph.D., I attended a writing workshop a few years ago, and the instructor had us doing some exercises and then sharing them with the class. There was one writer there who spent much of the day making self-deprecating remarks about her writing abilities. “Oh, you won’t want to read this. Sounds like a 5-year-old wrote it.” “Better not call on me for this exercise…unless you want to show what NOT to do.” This went on much of the day, and she got quite a few laughs along the way, though I know it made some of us uncomfortable because we didn’t know what to say. Two weeks after the class, she finaled in the top three of a pretty prestigious writing contest. So why, if she was a good enough writer to final in a contest known for being a quality contest, was she constantly putting her writing down? My guess is that it was because of her self-image that she was a bad writer. She was terrified that it might be true, and she covered it up with humor. She might suck at writing, but she could get a good laugh. Unfortunately, her portrayal of herself as a bad writer, if done in the wrong company — like to an editor or agent — would likely lead to a rejection. After all, if a writer doesn’t have confidence in their own writing, why should anyone else? And each rejection earned on the basis of that lack of self-confidence just reinforces that self-image of being a lousy writer. So how do you change your writer self-image? Here’s a few steps you can take to help boost your self-image:

1) Notice where your self-image is negative. If you find yourself thinking (or saying out loud) that you suck at writing or that you’ll never be published…start by just taking notice of this. No judgment. Just notice.
2) Ask yourself where you may have developed this belief. Has someone told you in the past that you suck, at writing or anything else? Or have you placed a self-imposed time frame on yourself to become published that you haven’t met?
3) Notice how your own actions, words, etc., may encourage others to reinforce your negative self-image. Do you put yourself down to others? Even asking for critiques on something that’s not your best work can end up back-firing when iews,the critique points out where you need work.
4) Challenge your negative feelings. If, for example, you’ve pinpointed some of the cause of your negative self-image to the lack of support of family members, who point out that you’ll “never make it,” realize that they are not the utmost authority. We can do anything we put our minds to, as long as we don’t give up. Dispute — even just to yourself — any negative opinions others have about you. List the reasons THEY might be wrong about you.
5) Stop yourself. Call a halt to the behaviours you have that encourage others to agree with your poor self-image. Don’t belittle your writing efforts out loud EVER. If you can’t say anything nice about yourself, don’t say anything at all.
6) Notice the good stuff. You can turn your negative self-image into a positive one by noticing the good you do, the improvements you make, or even the areas outside of writing in which you excel. If you have learned to be a great parent, you can just as easily learn to be a great writer. (Pretty sure any parent would agree that raising kids is MUCH more difficult than writing a book!)
7) Practice being the writer you want to be. Defy your negative beliefs by being the opposite. If your self-image tells you you’re a lousy writer, then practice being a great writer. Sit down with the intention of being an awesome writer just for today. That doesn’t mean writing to perfection first try, because that’s not what being a great writer is about (it’s all in the editing…ask any writer!). It means that, just for this moment, you put your negative self-image in time-out and you play only with the positive writer inside you. It’s much more fun, believe me!
Hopefully, some of those tips will get you start improving your writing self-image.